Journey to Submission (Part II)
She replied back, “I will consider that.”
Her words quickened my pulse, anticipation building from within a space I wasn’t aware existed inside me.
The next day I received an email from Miss Ella, we had previously corresponded through email as a perk of being one of Miss Ella’s subscribers, so I wasn’t surprised to see her name in my inbox. However, the subject line was what had me excited. It simply had three letters…one word…
Sub.
I opened up the message quickly, my need driving me to find out what she would say. Miss Ella’s message was a statement of how seriously she took my naïve request. She took the time from when I first sent the DM to crafting the aforementioned message, to research, seek advice, and examine what her motivation might be. Thankfully, she decided that she would take me on as a sub as long as we both could agree to terms and boundaries. My heart leapt at reading those words.
Then I read Miss Ella’s email. It was very professional, broken down into three sections: What she would give, What I would give, and Questions.
Miss Ella made it clear that she was “inherently devotional,” and that once I was hers then she would be loyal to me and very protective of me. This resonated with me because I was naturally loyal and extremely protective of those that I accepted into my inner circle, so Miss Ella being similar already created one layer of potential trust. Miss Ella went on to explain what I should expect from her as a Domme. One of Miss Ella’s conditions that drew me was that she would not be mean, cruel, or unfair; this mattered so much to me because of my underlying fear of being hurt. Miss Ella stated that she would be firm and expected obedience, promptly, or consequences would ensue. This was more than acceptable, since I knew how much I tended to procrastinate, so having someone willing to correct me was very enticing. Miss Ella also made it clear that she would not always respond immediately and that she was not offering anything sexual in any way. That last part was very different than the Mistress I had been dealing with. I had only considered Domme-Sub relationships to be sexual or financial, but that was a misconception, in essence it was more connected to an exchange of power and control.
The next part of the email discussed what would be expected of me. Miss Ella displayed her dominance right away, deeming Prince too high-born of a name for me, so she said she would refer to me as Sub. This was very appealing to me, somehow being called something other than my name, by someone I respected, pleased me. Miss Ella instructed that I should always refer to her as “Miss Ella” or “Miss” and that I needed to be respectful to her at all times.
Miss Ella stressed that it was up to me to maintain the sanctity of my marriage and to protect my wife. Miss Ella wanted to know the minute that I felt any danger to my wife, or if any actions got too close to a boundary of my marriage. Miss Ella wanted to respect those boundaries and my wife’s heart. At that time I was fully focused on myself, so this part of the email seemed like an after thought. However, subconsciously, I knew how important Miss Ella’s words were. Miss, had already noticed what I had somehow lost sight of, that my wife was my heart.
Miss Ella went on to explain how we would both be learning, about each other, and how we would fit in this new potential relationship. Miss expected me to begin a journal, that would be emailed to her daily. In these entries Miss Ella expected me to be honest about my feelings, thoughts, and concerns. It would be the place where I should express any changes. It would become the standard way we would communicate. Again, I was reminded that Miss Ella would always read the journals, but I would not always receive a response; I understood that my patience was going to be strengthened through this journey. Miss Ella laid out how we would use WhatsApp or Messenger, to communicate using voice notes or videos, or as needed by either of us. Miss Ella may require me to send a video or photo and this would be how that would happen. This medium was not to be abused and the privilege would be taken away immediately should abuse occur. It was clear how dominant Miss Ella could be and how I would need to shift my behavior.
Miss Ella informed me that either one of us could dissolve the relationship at any time, but “Ideally, we would agree this and then talk through how we will care for ourselves afterwards.” This pleased me because it showed that Miss Ella would truly care about my heart, through this union. Miss Ella was building trust slowly and with intention.
What came next truly helped me feel safe. Miss Ella said, “I have no interest in findom. You will pay me by showing appreciation any way you can. This will not include false flattery of myself or my work.” I had already been thinking this could be something that I could agree to, but this last statement completely pushed me forward.
The last part of the email concerned questions that Miss Ella wanted me to answer. Following are some of the questions.
What do you need from me? I need someone to push me to be my better self. I feel like I need to be ordered around to feel secure. I am not completely sure, but I am more at ease when I am following instructions.
What are you currently receiving from your mistress? She was introducing me to this world and creating a way for me to experience what it meant to be submissive and owned. She has me speak rituals, which are usually to help ground me and show her ownership of me. She will use terms like bitch boi, sissy slut when referring to me, which I wasn’t expecting, but have grown to accept them. There are times she would request a tribute, sometimes a task of a photo, video, voice note. Sometimes a monetary gift. She tells me it is not necessary and my obedience is all she needs, but I feel guilty and think I should send things. I sometimes feel like I am being used when that happens. When I mention it. She reaffirms that it is not necessary, but then I always feel that guild or disappointment.
How public do you want to be on Substack and social media? I would be okay with being Sub and Miss Ella on Substack and Instagram. As I am a teacher, I need to protect my IRL life to maintain my profession.
In your general life, what are the things you would like to change? I would like to be healthier. I want to feel happier. I want to manage my finances better.
What are your favourite things to do? Reading, being transported away through stories, eating, video games, used to be playing sports
What are your least favourite things to do? Being social, making decisions in my personal life
What do you do if you're struggling in the short- and longer-term? Short term: I isolate, replay the situation, reflect on my actions/feelings.
Long term: seek advice from someone trusted (not many are) reflect, attempt to adjust/adapt
Give me a list of ideas for good rewards for you.
-praise
-acknowledgement
-attention
(I also am not sure what types of rewards you are considering or what I would enjoy, I am not used to thinking of things in that way)
What are your thoughts on physical pain? I am open to it and have a tolerance for it. I haven’t truly caused pain to myself so am not sure how it makes me feel.
I sent my reply to Miss Ella, within the same day she responded.
Miss Ella replied, “So, my sub, it seems we have an agreement.
Keep my notes to refer to.
Your journal task begins today.
Compose a new email rather than replying to this one so your journal 'thread' stays separate.
Keep replying to that to keep your journal all together.
Today, as well as anything else you wish to say to me, I want to hear more about your guilt if you don't give something to your mistress (to be clear, I will always be your Miss and mistress will always refer to your other mistress) and your fear of being used if you do.
Please buy yourself some nipple clamps. Get rubber-tipped ones.
I am pleased to be doing this with you.
Miss Ella”
And so it began.
I’m so invested in your journey. 🥰 thank you for sharing!